Single To-Do List

Oh God.

I'm sitting. Alone.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop. Drinking coffee. Alone.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop. Drinking coffee. Listening to folk music and self absorbed hipsters tell each other stupid stories about things that nobody cares about. Alone.

This is step one on my extensive list of activities to participate in. Alone. 

I came  to the outstanding conclusion that I am not comfortable just being by myself. Shocking, I know. Not sure what brought me to this jaw dropping realization. Perhaps it's the string of failed serial relationships I've flung myself in since I was 15. Or maybe the fact that I thought about the fact I've been single for two weeks and almost cried.

I've decided to fix this though. I am going to be an independent woman!

Well...

As independent as a single 22 year old living with her parents, two obese house cats, a rat puppy and hormonal teenage sister can be. 

Last night, I spent a majority of my time rolling round in my bed/nest thinking of a list of things I want to complete by myself. I have titled it my "Single To-Do List."  I encourage any other recently single serial monogamists to participate in this little experiment as well. That way I wont be so alone. HA. I can already tell this is going to go great.  So here is my list. Revel in it:

Single to-do list

• Take myself out to dinner/lunch. Alone. Leave cell phone security blanket in car. People watch.
• Go to a coffee shop and bask in aloneness. (Hahah! CHECK!)
• Write an awesome slam poem
• Go to slam poetry open mic night
• Perform poem at open mic night. Wear scarf. Receive snaps of appreciation.
• Go to a dog park with Henry.
• Go on a backroads road trip, with or without someone
• Be comfortable with myself naked
• Believe I'm pretty, wholeheartedly, without someone having to tell me.
• Wear a bikini without feeling bad for innocent pedestrians.
• Sing a karaoke song sober. Nail that shit.
• Hit on a guy, preferably one waaaay out of my league.
• Collect more retro clothes. Own my pinupy retro awesomeness.
• Give my opinion, regardless of the consequences.
• Go to the Piano bar/Starlight Lounge dressed in pinup attire.
• Work on a car, preferably an old 40's one that will aid in Rockabilly pinup agenda.
• Get a kick ass job
• Go to grad school?
• Be happy alone
• Talk to that one boy from church. Make a date happen, once I've regained half of my sanity.
• Marry him.
• Ha, kidding.
• ...Kind of.
• Join a club of some sort, preferably one out of my comfort zone.
• Have a long, awkward, heartfelt conversation about life with a telemarketer.
• Break social norms. Sit next to someone and strike up conversation. 
• Get an apartment by myself or with someone.
• Make eye contact with a guy and smile without blushing.

That's all my brain could vomit up in a half hour. Not bad, in my warped opinion. I'm always open for more suggestions though, from the whopping two people that read this. 

You know, this sitting alone thing isn't so bad. I already feel a bit more comfortable just basking in my awesome aloneness.

Except for the high pitched hipster girl next to me, who has been chatting with her friend for the past half hour about how alone she is. She literally just said "Now that I know I talk to myself out loud, I catch myself doing it all the time and it's so frustrating! I just cant stop. It's ok though. I dont want a relationship. I'm so happy by myself."

*Shudder*

Is this what awaits me? A long life of sitting in coffee shops, eavesdropping on lonely conversation? 

At least I'll be my own person I suppose.

Ironically, even though I called of my wedding, broke up with my fiance and have been flopping around in a pile of wadded up kleenex and unwashed pajama pants in the past two weeks,  my one main concern right now is that my lard ass cat didnt discover my vibrator I accidently left out on my bed and drag it out for my whole family to see when they get home from work.

Shit.